3 Ways to Set (and Keep) Professional Boundaries

Boundary setting is something we’re all familiar with, even if we might not always be conscious that we’re doing it. When you decline a 9pm dinner reservation because it’s too late, you’re setting a boundary. When you tell someone you don’t have time to complete a task outside of your day job, you’re setting a boundary.

However, in a year where 1.7million people are unemployed in the UK (1) and where job vacancies are 27% lower than they were a year ago (2) , boundaries might be a little harder to set.

In this article, we’re going to look at how to set (and keep) professional boundaries at work, how to toe the line between being flexible and helpful and not agreeing to more work than you can feasibly deliver.

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What are professional boundaries and why do we need them?

Boundaries tell those around you how you wish to be treated. When we set boundaries, when we say no, we mark the line between what’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable.

Let’s say you take your dog for a walk every Saturday morning at 8am. Your friend asks if you could walk their dog too, and you agree: provided they show up to your house before 8am. You’ve set that boundary: so long as they arrive on time, you’ll walk their dog.

Simple, right?

Not necessarily. Boundaries are incredibly important, both in our personal lives and our professional lives; however we may be less comfortable setting and enforcing boundaries in a work setting.

Let’s say you start a new job. Your first week on the job, your boss asks you to stay late to finish something, but you know you already have an evening commitment. If you agree to stay late and reschedule your plans, you’re showing your new employer that you will prioritise work above all else. If you decline, but agree to ensure the work gets finished first thing on Monday, you show your employer that you’re not willing to work outside of your set hours.

If this scenario makes you feel uncomfortable, then you’re not alone. In a 2019 report (3) from Udemy, 59% of managers felt pressured to work through lunch and 46% of workers said they felt pressured to relinquish rest or eating time in order to complete work tasks. Not only can behaviour like this contribute to burn-out, but if you have agreed to do something you are uncomfortable with then it’s a sure sign a boundary has been crossed.

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3 tips for setting professional boundaries

If you’ve not set workplace boundaries before, then that’s okay. There are no hard and fast rules to when you should set them, although it can be easier to enforce them if they have been in place from day one.

But we should set boundaries. Not only can they contribute to better mental health, an increased sense of autonomy and good emotional health, (5) but they also ensure that you avoid burning yourself out by agreeing to more work than you can realistically deliver.

So let’s dive into three simple tips to help you start setting professional boundaries today:

Tip 1: Identify where you need to draw your lines

Boundaries come in different forms: physical boundaries (e.g. whether you’ll hug someone or offer a handshake) as well mental/emotional boundaries. Professional boundaries can absolutely fall into the first category, however given the pandemic it is more likely that you want to set boundaries in the second category: emotional/mental boundaries.

You can usually identify which boundaries you need to address by how you feel. Typically when we believe a boundary has been crossed it can leave us feeling uncomfortable, undervalued, or taken advantage of. (4) It can also impact our perception of our work/life balance, as overstepped boundaries often cause us to feel stressed. (5)

Make a list of circumstances or scenarios that cause you to feel this way. Perhaps it’s when you’re asked to take on a task that’s not part of your job description. Perhaps it’s when you’re asked to work outside your regular working hours. Workplace boundaries can also include: feeling comfortable taking time off, delegating or saying no to tasks, not responding to emails outside of working hours or feeling comfortable enough to refuse an invitation to a work-social engagement. (6)

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Tip 2: Communicate your boundaries

Boundaries always need to be communicated. Why else do we have fences between our gardens, or lines on the floor in supermarkets telling us where to queue? If you do not communicate your boundaries, how do you expect people to know what they are?

WIth workplace boundaries, especially if you are setting new boundaries in an existent job, this communication should form part of a dialogue. After all, boundaries are meant to be beneficial, as opposed to punitive. Melody Wilding in her article on the topic (7) says:

“Don’t get defensive; communicate assertively. Avoid accusatory language like “it’s not fair” and instead focus on making “I” statements that show you take responsibility for your actions.”

Let’s take the example above, of your first week in a new job and your manager asking you to stay late and complete the work. In this scenario, you might begin by asking why this deadline is being set, in order to try and see it from your boss’s perspective. You can then clearly and assertively communicate your needs: I’m not comfortable working overtime as I value work/life balance. If you needed this completed by today, then I’d appreciate forewarning in the future so we can avoid the situation.

The trick here is to be prepared for pushback. (7) Assume that your boss is going to repeat the request at least once, and be ready to be firm with it. When they ask if you’re sure you can’t stay, you can say something like: ‘I’m sure, thank you. On Monday we can discuss how to avoid this situation arising again in the future.’

Tip 3: Practise saying no

Boundaries, importantly, need to have consequences. That is how we maintain them.

Let’s go back to the example of your friend asking you to walk her dog. You set the boundary: so long as you arrive before 8am, I will walk your dog. That means that you also have to be willing to enforce the boundary: if she arrives after 8am, you must refuse to walk the dog. Better still, you shouldn’t even be at your house to refuse her. You should already be off, living your boundary (in this metaphorical example).

However, that second step: leaving your house, or declining to walk your friend’s dog may come easier to some than to others.

If you aren’t someone who typically says “no”, then enforcing a boundary might feel deeply uncomfortable, and that’s okay. It can feel uncomfortable: but you still need to practice doing it. (8) After all, saying “no” does not need to involve being blunt, or rude.

The next time someone asks you to take on a task you don’t have time to do, try saying: “thanks for thinking of me, but my week is already busy. Best you give this to someone else.”

The next time someone asks you to work late, try saying: “Work life balance is important to me. I’m happy to look at this tomorrow morning.”

The next time someone asks you to take on a task that’s outside your job description, try saying: “What would you like me to stop doing, in order to take on this task?”

Work boundaries are important, and whilst setting and maintaining them might initially feel uncomfortable, getting through these teething issues will help you feel more in control of your schedule and bring you better work-life balance going forwards.